(Fantasy) Fetch Football Friday

Opinion, Sports
(Fantasy) Fetch Football Friday

Another Fetch Football Friday is upon us and, it is a particularly special one due to the fact that the NFL kicked off its regular season, after a bit of weather induced delay, with the Denver Broncos hosting the Super Bowl Champion, Baltimore Ravens. If you haven’t heard by now, Peyton Manning, eviscerated, disemboweled, and eradicated the entire integument stratum, of the Baltimore defense, with a 462 yard, (record tying) seven touchdown, night . The earlier use of big words for big words sake, was for Pop Pop and his fellow nerds, who through the miracle of social media, know that the NFL kicked off last night

I must start with a fantasy update, just because of the fact that I must thank the owner of “Cole’s.” As the owner of the “Hootie Hoo Nation,” in my nephew’s league (some of you may remember my wife is the baby out of 10 kids, so I inherited nieces and nephews, like a Duggars in-law), I must say the decision to bench Peyton Manning and his 46.28 points was much appreciated.

Speaking of Fantasy, as I was watching that game last night, I was extremely irritated as “Bay-Bay” Thomas only had one catch for 13 yards in the first half, obviously he’s on my team, and more importantly, my most significant team, “The Dirty Pimps.”

I have three teams, the aforementioned previous two, and “I Hate Puppies Mother,” well I do.

The “Dirty Pimps” are my team in my own league, which from this point on will be a keeper/franchise/money league. I had my worst fantasy season ever in 2012, due in large part to a rebuilding effort that took place.

After winning the league three straight years, 09-11, I decided with the new keeper/money status, it might be a good idea to try and acquire some extra early round picks in order to ensure domination for years to come.

While I had no intention of tanking the season, I banked on Cam and it bit me, “BIG TIME, HUGE!!!” #JuliaRobertsFace, I did get five picks in the first two rounds, and it paid BIGGER TIME!!! For those of you who’ve seen that Cam is a highly ranked fantasy QB, and wonder how he bit me, it’s simple, he put finally came around after I was out of the playoffs and ended up with decent numbers.

Fantasy is head to head in most leagues, so unless you’re in a points only league, you need consistent guys not overall numbers guys. Wins get you in, not points, unless there is a tie breaker of course.

Now after doling a bit of advice, I’ll get back to discussing how the second half of last night’s game had me dancing like Kevin Bacon and Sarah Jessica Parker after they found out the barn wasn’t in the city limits.

“Bay-Bay” ended up with five catches for 161 and two TD’s, for 37.10 points. Now this by itself would just be a great start to good week; however my opponent, “GameTimeForGonzo” had three people in the game last night, and came away with 26.40 points. I finished last night with 37.10.

“The Rayle Roaders,” the reigning champion of “DEEZ NUTZ” (as in” these crazy guys”, not “did they get at you last night? Who?”), I’m putting you on notice now, I’ll be taking my crown back sir. I will dominate like animation on Fox Sunday nights!

Now that’s a lot of fantasy for one Friday, so I’ll move on to my beloved Falcons and our atrocious offensive line, which got a dose of Trueblood that might help; however, it won’t help this weekend.

I see no way possible the Falcons go into the BET Dome (as in blackout) and beat the Bountyfull Bubba Fetts. Sean Payton’s back, we’ve got rookie corners, and Drew Brees threw five picks and zero TD’s the last time he played us.

While I hope I’m wrong, I truly just hope it’s a shoot-out, with Steven Jackson scoring all the Red Zone TD’s. The “Hootie Hoo Nation” needs a big year from Jackson, and “GameTimeForGonzo” happens to have Matt Ryan.

Of course I want us to win and rain on Payton’s parade with “Hurricane” Ryan dousing the defense with, rain drop bombs to Roddy and Julio (too soon?); however, I’m a realist and I’ve been a Falcon’s fan too long, this game just doesn’t feel like a game we win.

Be that as it may, under Mike Smith we don’t lose back to back games (IT’S NEVER HAPPENED), so the Rams will get slammed, have no fear, we’ll be 1-1 after week two.

Now after watching UGA, and Aaron Murray lose yet another big game (1-10 vs. ranked opponents and he played terrible in that F.U.F. game), I came away thinking there’s absolutely no way Georgia beats SpuckFurrier and the “No Game Suckers;” however, I’ didn’t realize that the “No Game Suckers” lost just as much on the defensive side of the ball as UGA did, and with the game being at home, I think the “Dawgs” may pull it out, but I sure wouldn’t bet my money on it.

Tech, should be ashamed of themselves, beating the “Fighting Dave Archers” of Elon, 70-0. Still, that’s a lot of points, and also a shut-out, even if they played a team that couldn’t beat 2-0 Marietta High School (52-21 over Newnan (sorry Hap) , 63-13 Pope (not sorry Adam “The Fink”).


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