Snow White Does Not Snow Me Under

Yes I did go to the midnight showing of “Snow White and the Huntsman.” Yes I do watch “Once Upon a Time.” And yes, I’m not ashamed of it, though some might say that I should be. However, this is a movie review, and I must say that I was not snowed under by “Snow White and the Huntsman.” I’d have to give it a B-. It’s okay, nothing to write home about. Great date movie, especially for the pimple popping crowd, but much more a rental/it came on television movie. It’s no, “Once Upon a Time,” I can guarantee that.The movie starts off quickly; evil queen takes over and locks up Snow in a tower in like 20 minutes. Snow ages; enter Kristen Stewart, who I’m quickly beginning to wonder whether she can act. I apologize to the “Twilight” sycophants, but I was getting pretty tired of Stewarts constantly filling the screen with a blank consternation look on her face. Actually there were several times that I wasn’t sure that I somehow did not get stuck in a “Twilight” screening.

The plot is pretty simple. Of course Snow White escapes and the Huntsman is called to retrieve her, because the Evil Queen a monster, played pretty well by Charlize Theron, (outside of one scene where, while arguing with her brother, she can’t decide which accent to best play the part with) needs her heart.

SPOILER ALERT, of course the Huntsman, played by Thor, turns on the queen and helps Snow in her fight to unite the kingdom, blah, blah, blah. SPOILER ALERT, Snow defeats the queen. That maybe the least spoiler spoiler alert, since Titanic; the boat sinks. Also there’s no, Storybrooke, no Emma, and no Prince Charming.

The problem with this movie was that while it started quickly, it soon started to drag through the middle, plus it’s one of those movies where all of the best scenes are in the commercials. The seven dwarves were pretty cool, and there were times that I found myself thinking,

“Man that would look cool in 3-D.”

However, there were some scenes in the Dark Forest that made me glad it was not in 3-D, creepy crawlies coming out of the screen I can do without.

I just kept waiting for the awesomeness that I expected to come, and it just never did. It was kind of like watching a game that ends up with a close score, but one team clearly controlled the contest. There some good stuff here, but not enough to run to the theater, unless you’re on a date.

Believe me, if your girl wants to see this, choose this over any and every Jennifer Aniston movie. At least there’s swords, arrows, horses, and of course, MIDGETS!!! Well not technically midgets, since the dwarves are played by full-size actors, however, they look like midgets so that counts.

Overall there was just something missing. I can’t quite put my finger on it. It wasn’t bad by any means. It was good, but not that good.